Thursday, May 13, 2010

Essay 4 draft

Should Toshio and Kiyoshi be responsible for their family's debt?

Toshio and Kiyoshi both come from the Japanese culture and Their families pay attention to tradition very much. They say you must be loyal and devoted to your family, in other words to be filial; which means to be a good son. A way to be a good son is to live on your parents plantation, work all day, and bring home money to them to pay off their parents debts or their own debt. I believe that it is not their responsibility to work all day to pay off someone else's debt. I feel like the parents are basically using their kids physically because they can not work as hard as them, so they are using them to work. I just don't think that is right, especially when you feel like you have to set aside your dreams and put your own life on hold. Toshio's parents are in debt because of themselves, and Toshio doesn't really believe in following the rules for being a good son. Toshio does not believes that in order to be a good son you have to pay your parents debt. Kiyoshi's family is in debt because of his grandfather. Kiyoshi is known as a good son and follows the tradition of their culture. He joined the military and was able to give his family the money to pay off their parents debt. I just really feel like the person who made the debt should be the one who has to work to pay it off!

2 comments:

  1. I think you have a good start to your essay but would like to suggest that you not begin so many sentences with "I".

    Your thesis statement seems to come at the end of the draft. You may want to move it up to the beginning. Coming back to it again at the end would be a strong way to close.

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  2. I really like your ideas towards the essay question. I'm just a little confused about your thesis? The points that you have made are good and could really help in your essay.

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